Marry me and you’ll fly for free…

This is a joke that we throw around more often than not.  Well, this statement is not entirely true.  As flight attendants, we do have to pay taxes and other fees for that plane ticket.  This benefit also comes with a few caveats, none bigger than the fact that we are going to fly STANDBY.

Flying STANDBY is a nerve wracking experience that only masochists enjoy.  You go to the airport, check the loads then find out a few minutes later that the flight you’re trying to get on is now actually oversold.  Hopefully, you did not book that hotel room yet, or perhaps you booked a refundable one.  If you do not make it on, you are indeed, shit out of luck.

“With great power, comes great responsibility” -Spiderman and Manny Pacquiao

Being an airline employee, we are bound to represent our company, which means we are expected to behave like a decent human being, instead of being an animal, which sadly seems to be how many airline passengers behave these days.  We are expected to maybe take a shower,  at least wear pants, and god almighty wear shoes.  Dressing up also gives us a chance to perhaps, maybe, please god be UPGRADED.

Now speaking of being upgraded…I have to say In my career I probably carry a 60% batting average of being upgraded.  More often than not, when there is room in business class, I do get upgraded.  How does it happen?  It starts at the ticket counter.

Do not demand,  ask nicely.  Checking loads through stafftraveler is really helpful and at least gives you SOME idea if the gate agent is lying or not LOL.  Now this is a two-way street.  You know that there are 30 seats open, BUT  do you actually know the latest, up-to-the-minute loads?  So always give the gate agent the benefit of the doubt.Always say you’re a flight attendant.  At the very least, you would probably get an exit row rather than that dreaded middle seat.

If it doesnt work. Try again. This time at the gate. Most of my success starts from here. If not an upgrade, better seats. From the middle to the aisle, from the aisle to a bulkhead, from the bulkhead to an exit row.

And if it still doesnt work? Bring out the gifts! This is your last chance. Put on your flight attendant smile and pray to whoever god you believe in. “Hello i am so and so from so and so airline! Thank you for the ride, I have a little something for the crew, please enjoy and again thank you!” say a little prayer to the non rev gods and hope for the best! As far as gifts, please dont give out nuts or chocolates you give out on your own airlines. Its tacky.

Now what if you’re not a flight attendant? Would these work? You might not get upgraded as well but at the very least, maybe a drink and your fight attendant wont roll her eyes if you ask for black coffee with cream!

So remember, just ask and maybe you would receive.  What’s the worst that could happen?  If everything else fails, hey you still got on the plane, paying a fraction of what that smelly guy on the aisle seat paid for?

Any other tips and suggestions?  Please comment.

EXIT ROW BRIEFINGS:

• Personally, and I swear to god it is not necessary but cash, with a little note is a great gift to your flight attendant.
• Other gifts I have given besides the usual chocolate or candy:  Luggage tags, face masks, scented candles, gift cards
• If possible, try to say hi to the pilot.  (It does good for their ego)
• Don’t be that passenger. (You know what I mean)

Fly safe and be kind to your flight attendant.